Redneck HMO:

You know that you've joined a redneck HMO if:

* The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's

* Directions to the Doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the
trailer park."

* The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles

* The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter

* The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy

* Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month

* Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day"

* Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill

* The only 100% covered expense is embalming

* Your Viagra prescription includes a popsicle stick and some duct tape.