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Thread: Redneck Church

  1. #1
    Older than Dirt! Legolas's Avatar
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    Redneck Church

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...Baptism is referred to as "branding".

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

    You Know Your Church Is A RedneckChurch if...the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

    You Know Your Church Is A RedneckChurch if..."Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"

    Coming to a theater near you!!!

    Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky,Seven for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where shadows lie.One ring to rule them all,One ring to find them,One ring to bring them all,And the darkness to bind them!

    The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R.Tolkien

  2. #2
    To die is to live J_Dawg's Avatar
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    I knew there was sumthin diffrant bout my church!



    "If a nation expects to be ignorant and free...it expects what never was and never will be"--Thomas Jefferson

  3. #3
    Moderator HUTCH SC95's Avatar
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    What's a redneck

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