These are actual tombstone inscriptions:
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Ribbesford, England cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife
And the Devil sent him Anna.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery:
Here lies The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer
And that is Strange.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep; Thou wilt find a Penny.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna - Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a cemetery in England:
Remember, man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
From Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44 No Les No More
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
Here Lies George Johnson Hanged by Mistake
1882 He Was Right We Was Wrong
But We Strung Him Up And Now He's Gone
how ya doing buddy
