On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER
OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON
ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID
CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Makes sense...except these
instructions we're IN THE BOX!)
In some countries (like W. Virginia, on the bottom of Coke
bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. ( Now THAT
I'd like to see! )
On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE
NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box) * DO
NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (oops...Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER
HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR
OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what...use in outer space?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN
PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm sure glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR
HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to
this warning?)
On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES
NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. That's right, destroy a universal
childhood fantasy!)
