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A gnome is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him, he decides not to say anything because it is a good day for him. Again the blonde steps on him, so he turns to her and says, 'Hey you brunette, watch where your going.' The blonde looks down and says, 'I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.' To which the gnome replies, 'Not from where I am standing.'
Lol very funny g1 Wildman. :thumb:
right on bro great :smilegrin:
A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HELLLLOWW ... You gotta roll up the windowwwws..."
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Two Blondes waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation, "How'd you die?" the first blonde asked the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful" says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping." How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde.
"I had a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity, if you had only looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
This blonde was out in the middle of a field in a row boat rowing away when another blonde comes screething to a halt in her vehicle along side the field. She jumps out of her car and stands at the edge of the field, rases her fists and yells out to the other blonde still rowing away in the boat..."You know something, it's blonde's like you that give us blondes a bad name...and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a**!!":baddevil:
[Edited on 2-9-2003 by Charger]
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Herquestion was,"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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FINAL EXAM The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
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There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note; "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
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Five blonde women enter a bar and order a bottle of champagne and ten glasses from the bartender. They go and occupy a table, set a small framed picture in the middle, and start "high fiving" and dancing around the table chanting "51 days! 51 days!". A few minutes later, five more blondes enter the bar and join the others at the table. There is much laughing and merriment, alternating with the ritual chanting of "51 days! 51 days!". Finally, the bartender can no longer control his curiosity and he strolls over to the table. In the center is a picture of the cookie monster in a frame. When the bartender asks what the celebration is all about, one of the women says, "We were all tired of the blonde jokes about how dumb we are, so we got together and put this puzzle together. On the package it said '2 to 4 years', but we all worked together and put the puzzle together in 51 days!"
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Two blondes walk into a building......you'd think one of them would have seen it.
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Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
:lolup:
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar, immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five
important things:
1 -The bartender is a blonde woman.
2 -The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3 -I'm a 6 feet tall, 0 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4- The woman sitting next to me, is also a blonde, and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."