Girls and guys

Takes some reading but I found it funny.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's
a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the
paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca and Gary - last names deleted.
------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
------------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
and across the cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic ning nong whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA??? Oh
no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels."
-----------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
A$$hole.
------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
B!tch.
------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
W@nker.
------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
sl*t.
------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Get fcuked.
------------------------------------------------------(Gary)
Eat sh!t.
-----------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
FCUK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - wh*re.
**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.

:lolup:

ahhhh, the memories.... i remember that excersize well :lol:

someone start a story ! (this could be amusing)

Ok Anthony I'll start one, here goes:

It was a strange place to meet a prospective client but she had insisted, so here he stood by the lake in the centre of the park. It was raining of course and in the distance the thunder sounded ominous, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

Despite the weather he would never forget his fist sight of her as she drifted across the lake in a small boat, exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. As she reached the shore he could see that her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two oposing sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre and her dark hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Mooving forward, he helped her from the boat. "Thank you Mr Spade" she said in a deep, throaty voice. Like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
But before he could answer, shots rang out, as shots are wont to do...................

The drama teacher clapped her hands twice more and yelled “cut”, as to awaken Johnny from the trance that he was in over being able to play opposite Beth in the school play. The drama teacher then said “that was good everyone, study your lines and we will rehearse again tomorrow”. It was clear she was more concerned about the cold that Beth had, and she did not want her to lose her voice completely before the play opened. And what of Johnny…

Johnny had been infatuated with Beth since the first grade. They used to play doctor together, and Beth’s folks were too poor to buy her a girl’s bike, so she was stuck with her brother’s hand-me-down bicycle and exactly the way a bowling ball would cause injury, “the bar” does the same.

…it wasn’t till that one summer day when Beth rode her bike to the corner store with the nickel her Uncle Arthur gave her, that she realized.
Uncle Arthur perked up when Beth came through the door that morning and he reached into his trousers that were as baggy as an old lady’s torso and pulled the shinny nickel out and held it up to the girl. “Elizabeth..” he said with his voice as wheezy as a cat choking on a hair ball, “..here girl, take this nickel and run up yonder to the five and dime and get yer’self a treat.” Beth mustered a smiled and held her breath as she got nearer to him. She hated the smell of the old fart. She told her Mother once he smelled like “Rotten potatoes!”
Arthur held the nickel out and as she took it he reached his other hand up and started to stroke her long hair.
“Elizabeth yer’a growin up real fast ya are. Why some day soon yer gonna find yer’self to be a grown up woman. Just remember girl, don’t let the young boy’s have their way with ya. I know you don’t understand what I’m sayin to ya now but in time you’ll member this day and…”
Just then Beth's Mother opened the back screen door, it slapped back harder then a bowling ball hitting the lane from the tightly wound spring as she stepped in. Arthur jumped slightly in his chair.
“Arthur” Beth’s Mother said, “Now don’t be teaching that girl about no bird’s and bee’s ya hear. She’s not near the age you should be saying anything about what bird’s and bee’s do.”
“Dangit Merta, I don’t know **** about no bird’s and bee’s anyway so don’t worry your pretty little head over nothin.” The old man said then flipped his newspaper open and went back to reading.
“You watch your p’s and q’s to, cause I don’t want my little girl pronouncin anything she jus’ain’t able ta’even spell yet.”
Beth ran outside and sat up on the seat to the old bike and began to pedal towards the country store…in her mind Beth could still smell the flowers and feel that county breeze. But that was so long ago and now she was oblivious…


[Edited on 12-15-2002 by Charger]

Just then she sees some birds flying high in the sky, while a dog was running on the beach eating dog food.

As she drove along the boardwalk with her boys bike, she pondered what Uncle Arthur meant by birds and bees. She joyfully imagined that it was something like riding her bike with no seat.......

She was so deep in thought about what uncle arthur said and the feel of the saddleless bike against her young body,that she didn't see the her best friend Kathy in front of her until it was to late.

The impact of the bike between Kathys legs sent her flying to the floor , with Beth ,she went straight over the handle bars landing on top of Kathy. Ouch they both cried before picking themselves up and dusting each other off. Beth apologised deeply to Kathy.
"Oh Kathy i'm so sorry i was so deep in thought that i didn't see you till it was to late, i was thinking about umm family matters" she daren't say what she was really thinking.
"Oh it's Beth" said Kathy. "Iwasn't paying attention either, i was to interested in my new mobile phone, would you like to see it?"
"Sure" said Beth.
Kathy showed Beth the phone.
Beth squealed with delight when she saw it, as it was the lastest model to bring commuinication and fun together.

"I'm not sure how it works " said Kathy.
"Don't worry i think i have a good idea " said Beth.

Kathy said " Lets go to my place ,no one is home, besides i think we should clean up that scratch on your knee anyway."

Beth replied "Sure sounds kool , my knee is slightly sore but nothing i can't handle i've had worse"

"Lets go " said Kathy. and as they walked to Kathys home Beth pushing her saddleless bike and Kathy toying her new phone, they laughed and giggled about their little mishap earlier, talked about boys and movies, but always in the back of Beths' mind , was Uncle Arthur and the birds and the bees.

"Kathy" said Beth "do you know what the birds and the bees are?"

"Why silly course i do, don't you ?" replied Kathy.
Beth had an idea but she wasn't exactly sure and she said so to Kathy.
Kathy laughed out loud and said that when they reached home she would explain then.
Soon they were there.
Kathy got out her key and opened the door, c'mon in she said.
Beth entered...........

:bow.gif::bow.gif::bow.gif::bow.gif::bow.gif: That proves it!!! We are a bunch of sickos!! :nixweiss.gif: cheers!!:biere.gif: nice job U.J.J. :biggthumpup.gif:

This is a great thread! :roll:
......now it has props :P

:luxhello.gif::baddevil::cool::glueck11baby.gif:

That's one crazy looking phone ujj, glad I have "call blocking" :P did you find that item while christmas shopping? :lol4: j/k

[Edited on 12-19-2002 by Rot]

Says i - What would you like for xmas my dearest?
says she- a new phone

Says i- how bout one of those you can take pictures with sugar plum?

Says she- hmmm no don't want one of those new fandangled ones, i'd hardly use the photo feature,you know i'm not great at taking photos. was thinking maybe one of those ones that buzz when you get a call.

Says i- well my sweetest ,theres a few of them on the market which one would be your preference?

Says she-it doesn't matter really, just so long as it buzzes and is small and slim and fits in my handbag or pocket.

Says i- okay i've found one honey bunch

Says she- let me see it then

Says i- No no my petal it is a surprise you'll see it on xmas.

Says she- oh you're so rotten, but i still love you ,and i do like a nice surprise.

Says i- thank you sweetheart.

Says she- will you help me work out how to use it and get the buzz thing to work?

Says i - of course i will my sugar dumpling.

Says she - oh your so sweet i love you very much

Says i- i love you too my little sugar coated cornflake

Says she- i can't wait till xmas

Says i - neither can i my darling neither can i :naughty.gif::nod::baddevil:

[Edited on 12-19-2002 by U.J.J.]

oh me nerves.....what the hell did i just read

It was our first literary adventure ! You didnt like it ? hmm