Some actual product warning labels...
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER
OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON
ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID
CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Makes sense...except these
instructions we're IN THE BOX!)
In some countries (like W. Virginia:), on the bottom of Coke
bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. ( Now THAT
I'd like to see! )
On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE
NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box) * DO
NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (oops...Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER
HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR
OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what...use in outer space?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN
PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm sure glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR
HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to
this warning?)
On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES
NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. That's right, destroy a universal
childhood fantasy!)
