Lawyer Jokes

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their
clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for
essentially the same service!


What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick
falls off you when you die !


What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead
lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog!


What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.


What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has
a chance of becoming human.


Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.


You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do?
Shoot the lawyer, twice !!


What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy
politician? Chelsea Clinton.


It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I
saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets !


What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull
terrier? Lipstick !


What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from a plane? Skeet.


What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks
in sand? Not enough sand.


Why has there never been a reported case of a shark biting a
lawyer? Professional courtesy !


Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk
are walking down the street together when they simultaneously
spot a lost hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of
course; all of the other three are mythical creatures!