While Vactioning in the south
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to
learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And
we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage:
"My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from
Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in
munts."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my
brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh
doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna
catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading
these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna
far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of
mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the
creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at
age 65."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners
are willing to fight for out rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd
he sed ... must be from some farn country."
JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys'
coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze
ignert."
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed
New York City ... view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage:
"Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
Vocabulary - TEXAS Style:
1. AS WELCOME AS A SKUNK AT A LAWN PARTY.
Self-explanatory.
2. TIGHTER THAN BARK ON A TREE.
Not very generous.
3. BIG HAT, NO CATTLE.
All talk and no action.
4. WE'VE HOWDIED BUT WE AIN'T SHOOK YET.
We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced.
5. HE THINKS THE SUN CAME UP JUST TO HEAR HIM CROW.
He has a pretty high opinion of himself.
6. IT'S SO DRY THE TREES ARE BRIBIN' THE DOGS.
We really could use a little rain around here.
7. JUST BECAUSE A CHICKEN HAS WINGS DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN FLY.
Appearances can be deceptive.
8. THIS AIN'T MY FIRST RODEO.
I've been around awhile.
9. HE LOOKS LIKE THE DOG'S BEEN KEEPIN' HIM UNDER THE PORCH.
Not the most handsome of men.
10. THEY ATE SUPPER BEFORE THEY SAID GRACE.
Living in sin.
11. TIME TO PAINT YOUR BUTT WHITE AND RUN WITH THE ANTELOPE.
Stop arguing and do as you're told.
12. AS FULL OF WIND AS A CORN-EATING HORSE.
Rather prone to boasting.
13. YOU CAN PUT YOUR BOOTS IN THE OVEN BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM BISCUITS.
You can say whatever you want about something, but doesn't change what it is.
14. WE'RE IN TALL COTTON.
Things are going well.
