RAB
09-03-2006, 05:09 PM
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Willowby, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons." After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through
a tight lipped smile, "Sloan. Admiral, United States Coast Guard,
retired. Married, two sons, both Judges." After some thought, the fellow in
the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye
he proclaims, " O' Bryan, Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States
Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, to bid the airman to
enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you
for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing
important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure,
buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again! Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go
ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.." "Not me, Chief!"
the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to
stand in line again!"
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before,
monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted
that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to
'ave your passport ready for inspection." The American said, "The last
time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. You Americans
always 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!" The American
senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to!"
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Willowby, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons." After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through
a tight lipped smile, "Sloan. Admiral, United States Coast Guard,
retired. Married, two sons, both Judges." After some thought, the fellow in
the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye
he proclaims, " O' Bryan, Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States
Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, to bid the airman to
enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you
for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing
important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure,
buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again! Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
----------------------------------------------------------------
An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go
ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.." "Not me, Chief!"
the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to
stand in line again!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before,
monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted
that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to
'ave your passport ready for inspection." The American said, "The last
time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. You Americans
always 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!" The American
senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to!"